Life has always been interesting. Every sideways glance from a passer by, the stolen kiss behind the high school bleachers and the millions of tears cried over boys. This past long weekend is almost at it’s end and to be quiet honest I have been in a funk. I’m not sure if it is the rainy chilly weather or my looming birthday but I feel foggy. I just need to stand up and shake myself off and stop being so silly. It’s an awkward time in my life. I have the desire and the ability to change my life. Starting a business and finding my calling is all I want to do, and yet I’ve lost my passion somewhere.
Some days I think my lungs are empty. Nothing but hollow shells holding air for someone who deserves it. Air for someone with something to say
Stress is something that sits on me and quiet honestly usually tries to suffocate me. I am not the kind of person to get uptight about things, but at the same time I never want to disappoint. I always needed to be the one throwing the biggest parties or driving the flashiest vehicle. Image used to be my everything. Being overweight has never made that the easiest of situations. I strive to come out on top, what reasonable person doesn’t. The process of learning to let things go has been a tough one for me. Realizing that I don’t have to be perfect took a lot of work.
I still find myself having to snap out of it. I have to take steps forward. Being the dreamer that I am I can get caught up pretty easily in the maze of my mind. Putting those dreams into action is what I need to be able to do. Actually applying for university was my first step. Deciding to better my life and pursue a dream has helped me focus and look forward to something. I guess I just never shook myself off. All of my crap just kept piling up and with a little ignorance it is pretty easy to just look the other way.
As a vow to myself this is the day that it will all change. I will stand up for myself. I will start doing things because I genuinely want to be doing them. The word “no” will become a part of my vocabulary. I will no longer feel obligated to act or be a certain way just because of what someone will think. I am me, and honestly thats more than enough.