Breaking up is never easy to do. You get ripped through the emotions of your relationship all over again. You look at all the bad, the good and the utterly awful. The (ex) Boyfriend and I recently decided to split up and for a couple of reasons this decision was really hard. I don’t want to get into the details of why we broke up, mainly to maintain his privacy, but I do want to highlight what I did to pick myself up and keep on going. I found a few key things kept my head clear and allowed me to move on and pursue happiness.
In no particular order here are my breakup survival tips-
1. Cry. Cry long and hard. Cry on your floor. Cry in your car. Burst into tears at your favorite frozen yogurt store leaving the poor girl behind the counter helpless and wondering what to do. It sounds so cliche but you honestly have to let it all out. I tried to remain poker faced and it just draws the whole experience out. Breakups suck and no one is expecting you to bounce back in twelve hours. Grab your Kleenex, throw in a sad movie and let all the tears out.
2- Focus on the good but don’t lose sight of why you broke up. Breaking up was the last thing either of us wanted to do, so why did it still happen? Sometimes (ok well always) you need to be honest with yourself. You need to admit that there were cracks in your relationship and sometimes it just can’t be fixed. Even the best intentions can’t fix everything. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and even though it’s not easy it helped get me through. Letting go of a great guy sucked but he just wasn’t my great guy and I have to accept that. At the end of the day this is for the best for both of us.
3- Do something for you. Pay for a blow out, get your nails done or enjoy a massage. Breaking up left me feeling ugly and worthless. Luckily it didn’t me long to snap out of it. I had to focus on what I loved to do. Start hanging out with friends, seeing movies and maybe enjoy a cocktail or two. I have a ten km race planned. It’s hard to wallow in self pity when your busy.
4. Start enjoying the people around you. One thing I really noticed is that I had lost who I was in the relationship. I am a strong willed, loud mouthed kind of girl and that piece of me began to fall away. I started spending time with friends, planning vacations and just being myself. I picked my pieces up and shook off and kept going. Learning that I am confident in or out of a relationship helped me get over any feelings I had. It was a hard decision but I am proud of myself for being strong enough to make the decision. All to often it is to easy to ignore the problems and keep pretending everything is all right.
I honestly thought it would be harder than it was. Don’t get me wrong, it sucked. It probably sucked the most when you think your doing ok and then you suddenly burst into tears. I had to own it and let go of any crappy feelings I still had. A big part of me was immediately afraid of being alone forever. Luckily that utterly irrational fear didn’t last long. Life is full of ups and downs and I needed to learn to go with the flow. It sounds really cliche but it’s true. In the last three weeks I have been learning to enjoy my own company, to really get to know myself. I have decided to not let anything hold back my dreams(not to say that anything was holding me back). I am making travel plans, finding schools to get my graduate degree in and overall just growing up. Just because I don’t have a man in my life at the moment doesn’t mean my life should be any less fulfilling. One day I’ll meet someone who is willing to try and keep up with me and with any luck that same man will challenge me to be a better person. Until then I am going to keep living the dream life, drinking tequila and laughing way to loud.